At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
