its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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