When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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