My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
