Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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