dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
