There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
