Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
