just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
