I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
