I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Randomize
