Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
