I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
