I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
