i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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