please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
