my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
