fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
