I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm both gender and math confused
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
