Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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