I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
