That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
