I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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