He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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