I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
