do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
did i just pee glitter
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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