Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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