ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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