You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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