Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
even my farts smell like vagina
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
