Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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