I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
