apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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