So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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