apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Randomize
