You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
