are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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