i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
