what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
