is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
