My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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