are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
