yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
