the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There's always time for handjobs
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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