i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My vagina just recognized that song.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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