Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
