We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
God, I missed his penis.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
