I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
