Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
