Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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