does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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