he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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