gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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